2022: Entering My Villain Era.
What if I was 23, imperfect, a mess and okay with that? What now?
If you’re on a specific side of the internet you have probably seen tweets and TikToks of people (majority women) declaring 2022 to be the beginning of their Villain Era. I for one am not mad at it; in fact I have recently decided to join in solidarity and I too declare this my villain era.
This does not come as surprise to me because for as long as I remember I’ve always empathised with Villains in the movies- Now hear me out now let me land… My earliest conscious recollection of this was when I watched “Thor” during its first premiere in 2011 and every teenage girl and their mother was fawning over Thor but I secretly was looking at Loki (#different) thinking I love me a rebellious guy but like also me (an empath) understanding his point of view… shittt I would probably lash out too. (Or Maybe that’s just my Libra moon but let me refocus)
Nonetheless, I’ve since carried this mindset with me; perpetually questioning what it could have been that led the perceived villain to this point? How many times did they bite their tongue before they finally had enough? What led to their last straw? Thinking shittt I would act out too if I was them. If you must know, my latest subject is “Black Panther’s” Killmonger because his anger was very much valid… he was lowkey spitting from his POV
Speaking of anger, here’s a little quote for my intellectual girlies-
“But anger expressed and translated into action in the service of our vision and our future is a liberating and strengthening act of clarification, for it is the painful process of this translation that we identify who are our allies and with whom we have grace differences, and who are our genuine enemies” – Audre Lorde ‘Uses of Anger’
My Villain Origin Story
It’s hard to pin point exactly when my personal villain origin story begun but my guess would be somewhere in between people pleasing, being undervalued and having my boundaries breached. Over the past two years most of us have had to painfully make changes in our behaviours, patterns and thought processes. A lot of us found ourselves confronting parts of ourselves as quarantine provided a catalyst towards inevitable self reflection. Throughout my personal self reflection; I have come to realise that this is my villain arc
My Vanilla Era.
As I reflect on my personal life and realise that I’m literally in my Issa Rae Insecure season 1 era but I’m okay with that.
A mess but somehow not even mad at myself. Old me would be tripping trying to fix everything, to apologise to everyone, to clear my conscience, to control my next move, to make sure everyone around me is happy;
To make others feel comfortable at my own expense or to appear as a good person
But disrespectfully I am tired. Tired of trying so hard pls I am not God I am not Jesus I am not even Mary.
What if I was to just be? What if I was imperfect and okay with that? A mess and okay with that? The bad guy and okay with that?
Currently in my 20s, I’m learning to resist the urge to fix things all the time, the urge to be perfect and tie up every loose ends. I’m at a point where I’m leaving it to God and going about my day.
I won’t apologise for needing to grow, for not being mature as of yet, for not making the ‘right’ choice for, making mistakes, for hurting feelings, for not giving access to myself, my body, my thoughts, I won’t apologise for being selfish, for not responding to your text iss enough I want rest.
I’m a villain because I selfishly choose what I do with my time and whom I engage with. I’m in my villain era because I finally chose to say fuck how you feel about me good or bad and hard as it is to believe, I’m still here and I still love this version of me
I’m in my villain era because I’m choosing to prioritise my wants and need in a world where women are socialised to give so much of ourselves; that simply choosing to move through life without considering everyone else’s feelings is unprecedented.
I did a little inquiry on these streets to see what this era meant for my friend Mazvita. This, in her own words, is her Villain Era:
- “Respectfully unless I’m active harming you, your feelings are none of my business”- Mazvita Musendo
- - putting myself first
- - Doing things I want to do in my own time
- - Filling my own cup unapologetically
As usual, I made a playlist to channel your inner villain which you can find here.
Exclusive to Apple Music besties because over here it’s quality over quantity 🙏🏿
